Basic Guide to WoW Classes

As I’ve said before, I’ve been noticing new players sometimes in my dungeon groups. People who are truly new to the game. They have no clue what they are doing and should not look here for help. This is all in jest. Most people probably have favorite classes that are their “sacred cows” (whether or not they play them as a Tauren), but I’m not real careful about other people’s sacred cows because I like to think I can laugh when my own are joked about in a good-natured way. So here’s what I’ve learned from trying every class in WoW… some with less success than others.

Death Knight: The Death Knight starting experience is awesome, and everyone should play through it at least once. Every few weeks, delete your current Death Knight and start a new one just to see the starting experience again.

Druid: Read “Alamo teechs u 2 play DURID” and “Alamo teeches u 2 Burnin Croosaid!”. You can at least make it to level 50 with no more information on the class than that. Roll a troll so your flight form will be a bat instead of a bird. DO NOT TRY TO LEVEL AS RESTORATION!

Hunter: If you never want to have to control your threat and enjoy pulling mobs so the tank doesn’t have to, please do NOT roll a hunter!

Mage: If you enjoy conjuring gingerbread mana dudes, don’t level high enough to conjure mana brownies. You’ll never get your gingerbread dudes back. Get Glyph of the Monkey and go polymorph flying critters. If you decide to level past gingerbread mana dudes, you have a promising career ahead of you as an Arcane Meals on Wheels agent.

Paladin: Spec Protection and be squisher than warriors when tanking low level dungeons. Always have less control over the mobs than warrior tanks. In fact… re-roll as a warrior. Spec Retribution and be that special snowflake that looks just like all the other snowflakes when you put them together. Spec Holy and… Just spec Holy. Srsly.

Priest: Spec discipline. It’ll give you both the damage and survivability you need to get to level 30, when you should spec Shadow. Holy is there because every class has to have three specs available.

Rogue: Stay stealthed. Don’t take herbalism, because picking herbs is going to interfere with staying stealthed. Pick locks until you can pick Loch Modan. If it moves, sap it. Use Fan of Knives every chance you get because it just looks cool.

Shaman: Restoration Shaman are healers. If you have a healer who really sucks, though, any shaman’s totems can be the healers instead. Elemental shaman are spellcasting dps.
Because there aren’t enough of those already. Enhancement shaman dual-wield like Fury warriors and sometimes have two vicious pets that can eat both a hunter and the hunter’s
single pet. They need to be nerfed.

Warlock: Throw diseases on things. Throw fireballs at things. Be reminded by your demon that you are not a mage. Get stuck in corners a lot because you can’t see around your Voidwalker. Ride the most beautiful horse in the whole game!

Warrior: You only need to get to level 5. This is when you learn Victory Rush. Once you have Charge and Victory Rush, go kill every pig in the zone. Then do it again. After you’ve done this three or four times, you’ll realize you didn’t need to be killing pigs at all.




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4 Responses to Basic Guide to WoW Classes

  1. Rades says:

    Hahaha BEST NEW PLAYER PRIMER EVER. 😀 I might add to the hunter section a little part about naming your pets all the same name…

  2. Hestiah says:

    Ah ha ha ha!! ❤

  3. TheGrumpyElf says:

    Nice take on the classes. Funny.

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